Reflection 2

For the Intercordia program we have to submit reflections every so often. This is my second, the question: What impact have you had on your community.

How does one evaluate one´s impact in a community? How can you even tell if you are having an impact? There does not seem to be any easy answer to these questions, but there is one person where my impact seems to be more clear--with my host niece, Maribel.

Learning Maribel´s story has been a slow process. It seems that as I continue to get better at Spanish, more and more is revealed about her family situation. To use a mathematical example, my increase in understanding with both is like parallel lines. The curves have seemed to be on a flat incline for most of the time. At least, this is how it has felt. In any case, Maribel is the grandaughter of my host mother. She lives in the same house (or...did) as us. I first learned that her parents lived in other towns, working in those places, but Maribel didn´t actually know where their house was. She also did not know where her brother lived. This was because she had never been to visit them there.

In my time here, I have seen Maribel´s mother twice--the two times she visited. Both were incredibly tense times, filled with family tension; heartache expressed in arguments and tears...at the dining table. Once at lunch and once at the end of dinner. Each time I was witness to the entire unfolding, feeling out of place, but given a place by each of them. I suppose that is one way to realize that you are part of a family; when they allow you to witness strictly family matters. Since then I have learned more of the family situation. For instance, why Maribel´s parents live and work in separate communities. The answer being that they are divorced. It seems there is a bit of a taboo for divorce here, like there sometimes is in Canada and like there was. Because of this, from what I understand, Maribel has lived with her grandparents (on her mother´s side) while going to school in town in Cayambe.

Last Tuesday, a week ago, however, Maribel left to live with her dad. While my host mom talked with Maribel´s father about the next while, there was plenty of mentioning of "el amigo de Maribel", that is, me. I was witness to this converstation as well. At the end, just before Maribel and her father left, Maribel turned around at the door and charged me. Her arms were flung around my arms, still at my side, and waist, holding me tight. So tight I could not get my arms out to hug her back. She held on for about ten seconds and I held onto my tears for about ten seconds after she left. In the time that I did have with Maribel, a month and a bit, we spent quite a bit together. In my afternoons, after being finished at school, and after she was done at school as well, we worked on her homework, or worked on English, or on my Spanish, or played games, or learned guitar, or went with my host mom to the other house and helped milk the cows and other chores. After dinner too. Friendship was developed during this time, but it was hard to tell what it meant to Maribel; how much she actually cared that it was me doing these things with her and not someone else. The hug, I think, clarified that some. Last Saturday made it clearer.

Last Saturday was Maribel´s first communion. It was held in the community next to ours, maybe a ten minute walk away. I got there very early, due to not realizing the time I was told was not really when it would be starting. One of those different cultural views on time. It was no problem though, there were people there preparing food for after so I helped with that. Maribel and her father and the rest of the family arrived about thirty minutes before it started. They came by truck from wherever it is that they live. When they saw me they made their way over to me, Maribel running and hugging me again. When her father and step-mother reached me they both shook my hand and thanked me for coming. Before entering the church we walked to a cousin´s house to have Maribel´s hair done. Maribel made sure I came along everywhere, holding my hand to help her walk....but also to make sure I was there. When everything was over and they were ready to leave, my hand was shook many times by everyone in the family with many sincere thank you´s. And then one more hug from Maribel.

I don´t think I can really say what the impact is that I am making. However, it is incredibly apparent that I am having an impact and it is significant. "I have come to the frightening conclusion..." that I actually have an impact and my existence is meaningful to others. That impact, as it is in this case, is not in any tangible, extremely visible way. I guess, its not really "empirically verifiable". But, it is there and deeply meaningful. And that is, at the same time, incredibly moving and uplifting, as well as painful. Painful because soon I will not be here. Uplifting because, despite my physical absence, I´ll still be remembered and I will still remember.